Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Feeding the Boobage Beast

I realize that I'm just adding to the frenzy by commenting on Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, but as an allegedly cultural observer, I must! I MUST!!!

I actually did not see the incident in question; I looked away from the screen for that instant or two. What I did see was the amazing ending to one of the best Super Bowls ever (had the Panthers gone for and made the extra-point kicks instead of going for two twice and failing...), so I was not yet aware of the brouhaha, except for the bumblemouthed announcers joking about a streaker who was on camera for only half a second. Anyway, here are more observations, arranged for quick comprehension by the PowerPoint generation:

  • I gave up on Super Bowl halftime shows when ZZ Top and the remains of the Blues Brothers joined 100 showgirls who lay on the ground flexing their "Legs" in an "Up with Poontang" number.
  • Why do halftime shows in the first place? After shoveling in the announcer highlights and extra commercials, they're left with about seven minutes for those five acts to lip-sync about half of their current hit songs. If they want to entertain the stadium crowd, do a full-length halftime show and air it on whatever basic cable service the broadcast network owns. As HDTV comes in, your local station would have up to three extra free channels to do that kind of thing anyway.
  • CBS expresses its shock and dismay that MTV would put on a show like this. CBS OWNS MTV! That's the "corporate synergy" they keep talking about.
  • MTV has been around for 23 years now, and apparently some folks are still just finding out about it.
  • I can't really be sure, but I believe Justin Timberlake has put out a single or two before "Rock Your Body." Yet that's the only song of his I've ever heard played in bars and on commercials. Should anyone be shocked to hear the lyrics "Gonna see you naked by the end of this song" when it's the song they made a big hit?
  • This year's crop of Super Bowl commercials added the words "erectile dysfunction" to the vocabulary. Shouldn't we be a little more embarassed by the commercial for "Mike Ditka's Hard-On Helper?" But as Richard Roeper pointed out in the referenced Sun-Times article, is Michael Powell going to be calling out the pharmaceutical industry? Don't think so.
  • Kid Rock wears an American Flag like a poncho. Hello? Anyone else notice?
  • Interesting that this "Family-friendly" program has an "Official Beer Sponsor of the Super Bowl." And while that sponsor was Miller, it was Budweiser who had more commericials. And what do we get in those commercials? Do they talk about their watery beer? No, we get Animal Stories. So now, when you think of Bud Light, think of horny talking monkeys and crotch-biting dogs. I've already equated Bud Light with flaming horse farts, thank you.
  • At least Beyonc� did a nice National Anthem, in a nice Sunday dress. Maybe Miss Jackson could get some pointers from her (something must happen to your inhibitions when you're pushing 40). But fill me in again on what the guy in the astronaut suit was for. Either he was posing for an MTV Award stature, or it was George "AWOL" Bush pretending to be a hero again.
  • I only found out about the boobage incident while surfing my news sites Monday morning. And who showed the uncensored photo of the Mammary of the Minute? The Republican organ "The Drudge Report." Who's watching out for you?
  • The WGN-TV 9 o'clock news on Monday night devoted five minutes to the continuing story. During the course of the taped segment, they re-played the event three times (but of course they pixilated the moment of boobth). Had it not been for a snowstorm and a man who stuffed his wife in a garbage can, this might have been the lead-off story.